The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
