Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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