i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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