how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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