someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm at about main and main street
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
