Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
