I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
