Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
