i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
