She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
