I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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