so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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