Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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