Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
