drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
