i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
