I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
