she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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