yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
