Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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