I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
