good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
