whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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