I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
