I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
operation have a gay friend backfired
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
