Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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