the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
