oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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