Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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