Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
