i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
