You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
