Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
