do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
