ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
