i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Where are you guys?
Drunk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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