Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
