You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
