i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
