went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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