My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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