After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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