oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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