Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you win again, gameday.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
