This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize