so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
