During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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