My friends, they love my intelligence
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
