oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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