i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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