I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
