RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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