Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
