i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
