I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
