he shaved USA in his pubs
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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