So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
