I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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