The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
