Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
