she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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