dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
