Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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