RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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