and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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