I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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