Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
