she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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