My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
