I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
