Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
