How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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