I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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