Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Randomize
