Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
