i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
