you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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