She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
