I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
