I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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