I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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