Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
